First published on Role Reboot
I’m trying to determine what is the function of a parent to an adult child. And if it’s what I think it is, I wonder who counts as a parent. Based on the actions of my biological father, a parent’s job is to win arguments, use their child’s values and even religion to manipulate them into obedience, and to demand a level of loyalty that they don’t reciprocate.
But what about the relationships I’ve cultivated with “dads” over the years? Pastors, friends’ fathers, and bosses have all stepped in as auxiliary parents when I’ve needed them. Judging from their conduct as fathers in my life, it’s fair to say that a parent’s job is to offer unconditional love, to advise without judgment, and to calm the fears that surface with each new challenge brought by adulthood.